Letting go

It's been a busy, sometimes stressful week.  I worked many hours, which was great, since it kept me busy and made the time fly.

We're five days into August, and it's not exactly what I was expecting, but it'll get better.  The weather has been bizarre for the past few weeks - chilly at night and in the mornings, warm (but not that hot) during the days.  It turns out that I may be the only person in the world who actually likes her summers blazing hot.  I want that humidity and that oppressive heat that makes you want to sit in the shade with a glass of ice cubes.  I hope it comes back, because the weather we have now is starting to get on my nerves.

It was a very physical week.  I did my usual Monday BodyAttack and Wednesday BodyShred.  On Thursday, Marie convinced me to do a back-to-back combo of Attack and Shred.  So we did that.  It was exhausting.  Our legs wanted to fall off.  Friday was a very physical day, as I helped moved boxes around the medical section of the store.  I got a strength and endurance workout over the 9 hours I was there.  Later that evening I was hailed on while biking home.  Ouch!  I took refuge a minute away from my house because the wind was so strong that I was being blown off my bike.

After a few months of hiatus, the Ben/Elisa running team is back!  We ran our usual route on Saturday morning, although we were both feeling a bit tired out from our previous days.  It was a lot of fun to run together again, and now that we're back on the wagon, we're going to push hard.  The Island run is coming up in just over a month, so I want to be absolutely ready for it.  I plan to beat my standing 10K finish time.  

On Sunday we were supposed to go to the beach, but when we all gathered at Marie's, we lounged for 2 hours and then went to see the Wolverine movie.  Oops.  When we left the movie, we were hyper and talking about wanting to learn parkour.  We went back to Marie's and made delicious pizza.  We had a wonderful time chilling on the patio and chatting.

Today is a holiday, but there's no rest for the wicked.

I hope to take part of this day to reflect on this past year.  July 31st marked my 1 year "anniversary" of coming back to Toronto.  So much has happened to me.  It's been good, bad, ugly, pretty, exciting, and dreadfully anxious.  I still haven't found that perfect dream job, I still live with my parents and earn not quite enough to live on my own sans roommates, but my friends are great.  Sometimes when I think my personal life is in shambles, or I feel like a monster or a horrible person that nobody wants to be with, I think of my friends.

There are so many things that are left unsaid to people in my past, but I have to just let it all go.  Let it go so that it doesn't have power over me.  Ignore the hurt and pain that it caused me, and convince myself it has no bearing on my life now.  I have the tendency to let things haunt me for long, long times.  It's a curse.  The only positive thing is that it makes me remember what I want and makes me smarter in avoiding the things that look unhealthy for me.  Unfortunately, however, it also makes me a bit suspicious.  Maybe another goal for me, besides building up my self-confidence, is to work on letting go - not just forgiving, but also forgetting.  Because it's not going to do me any good to remember small, painful things from my past that cannot be fixed.

Take a deep breath, hold it, clear the mind, and go.