Just Dream

You know when you have a dream that affects you so deeply that the whole next day you feel like the world has changed?  I had one of those Tuesday night.  It wasn't a particularly spectacular or crazy dream, but I did wake up feeling a strange sense of awe and a little bit of longing to live in a world where what can happen in dreams is normal - where we can fly, jump across canyons, and, yes, on occasion freeze in our spots and not be able to run despite the urgent need to.

I want to live in a world where multiple venomous snakes bite me, but I'm ok because they're just curious.  I want to live in a world where I'm watching Buffy fight vampires from above, and then suddenly I am the person fighting vampires.  I want to live in a world where people you don't talk to are suddenly your best friends, and where you and your brother getting chosen by NASA for a special space mission is the norm.

My dreams have often affected me in so many ways, both emotionally and physically.  I've woken up crying, laughing, sick, and singing, all reactions to the images in my head.  I've shared dreams with friends, bonded over their wackiness, and analysed them for fun.  Dreams come from deep within us, and I think that they communicate a lot of important things to us.  They can lead us to good (or bad), but most of all, I believe that they make us think about things we might have brushed off from the day, or make us anticipate something coming up.

I would be lost without my dreams.  They give me something to look forward to every night.  I don't remember all my dreams, and sometimes I have unsettling dreams that I wish I didn't remember.  But on the whole, they are a fascinating phenomenon, and I consider myself lucky to remember so many at my age.

(Side note: I'm looking forward to the long weekend.  I'll be doing some great activities, and I'll provide an activity update perhaps on Monday night (Canada Day)!)

Nonstop Action

When last I left off, it was actually the eve of my 4.5 year-old niece's 12-day visit.  We are still in the midst of the visit, but I'd like to take the time to talk about what I've done this week despite not going for a run or to the gym as often as I like.  It's still been an active week.  

Monday - niece arrived after work.  A tall, skinny 40-pound girl who likes to be lifted and thrown around.  Enter backache.  Also enter hours of running around the backyard and park, playing imagination games and keeping this restless child entertained.  Did I sleep well Monday night?  Incredibly so.

Tuesday - work, followed by lifting, hefting, and running around with little child.

Wednesday - Work, niece work, and then BodyShred with my favourite instructor!  She added some new moves that she made look easy but were challenging.  We also worked our back obliques, resulting in waking up the next morning and feeling like someone had ripped my kidneys out.  Such awesome pain.

Thursday - I had no work, so my parents and I took the little sweet monster to the zoo where I…. well, duh!  Ran, lifted, hefted, and played.  Oh, and we also saw some animals, like the newly arrived pandas and the lion cubs.  When we returned from the zoo, she wanted to play in the backyard, so I did some more lifting and running until dinner.

This is how I felt at the end of the day.

Friday - It was a niece-lite day.  I went to work, had another meeting with my Employment Coach contact, and then went for my usual BodyPump and CXWorx double feature.  Marie wasn't able to join me this week, but I pushed myself as if she were there telling me to up the weights and challenge myself.  I did more than usual for the chest track, which resulted in deliciously painful DOMS in my pecs.

Saturday - My niece had a freakout tantrum while I stayed alone with her for a few hours in the morning, so that was pretty difficult to deal with.  I then went to Zumba for the first time ever, and holy wow, I am in love!  Why have I not Zumba'd before?!  Later that evening I communicated this to my mother, and of course she pulled the "I told you so" routine, because for years she was saying "Elisa, you should do Zumba!  I heard it's fun and you'd love it!", and I went "yeah, yeah, ok, whatever".  Ok, fine, Mother.  You were absolutely right.  After Zumba, it was shopping time with Marie and Mel.  We went to the Gap, where I bought new gym clothes!  Three new pairs of shorts, a tank top, and a t-shirt.  It was time to upgrade, and what better time is there to upgrade than when the Gap is having a sale?  Good quality stuff for lower prices.  Can't be beat.  We had a blast, and ended our day trying on different sunglasses (some ridiculous) at Holt Renfrew.  Good laughs: an important part of your day.

Sunday - A morning of pure laziness where I lounged in bed, read my book, and surfed the net.  I've barely had a moment to myself all week!  Then I took the monster to see a movie about her cousins (Monsters University).  We got our arms painted at the Franco-Fête at Dundas Square, and we had an exciting subway and bus ride home.

Things I learned this week:

Taking care of children is demanding.  It is physically exhausting to chase them around and be involved in their games.  But more than that, it's a mental exhaustion that sets in after a while.  They ask many questions, which is wonderful, but the constant "why why why?" makes your brain work really hard to think up of answers, but also ways to phrase an answer that will make sense to a four-year-old's mind.  It is also difficult to play imagination games with a child who expects you to think exactly like she does.  And when she starts to cry, it's hard to reason with her.  If she misses her mommy or her kitty, nothing you say can stop her from missing her mommy or her kitty.

Zumba is fantastic.  As a dancer for most of my life, I caught on to the moves quickly and was able to have a blast.  The instructor was incredibly high energy, and I loved it.

Lack of self-confidence is what holds me back.  My chat with Glen on Friday afternoon was about that.  It's one thing to have specific talents, another to know I have them, and yet another to present them to other people in a confident manner with convincing "Yes, I am good at this" statements.  It's difficult for me to do this last one (I've gotten a hang of knowing what I'm good at), so, practice practice practice.  I find that with all the running and all the classes at the gym I take - both instances where I can see definite physical improvements - that sense of accomplishment and pride translates into my everyday life.  I feel that if I can run ten kilometres without stopping or do a certain amount of push ups before falling to my knees, then I can find a new job or earn a promotion with the skills I have.  So if I wasn't already obsessed with the gym, then this would be another way to keep me going.

And it's true.  I am obsessed.  At the beginning of each day, I'll survey my schedule and think "How can I fit a workout in today?"  "What class can I make it to?"  "Is it going to rain, and if so, should I use my old pair of runners that I don't care about as much?"  When I'm with Marie and other like-minded friends, we talk about that crazy new exercise we want to try, or share tips.  It's a lifestyle.

And now begins another week.  Let's see what more adventures I have...

Life is an Adventure

It's been another week of new challenges and interesting people.

Thursday I jogged to a park 2km away and then performed some sprints (100m).  I only did 5 before jogging/walking home.  Even though I didn't perform 10 like I'd aimed to (nor did I perform the 8 I'd mentally prepared myself to "downgrade" to) I still felt the effects.  I got a nice, sore set of quads and inner thighs, plus a feeling of accomplishment.  Lots of room for improvement on this front, so I'm just scratching the surface here.

Friday involved BodyPump followed CXWorx again with Marie.  We challenged ourselves and added some extra weight to our barbells.  The instructor this week did CX a little differently than the instructor who taught last week.  I preferred this week's.  I felt it targeted my abs a bit more (last week semed more leg-heavy).

After pumping like maniacs and having dinner, we attended a talk by American journalist Jeannette Walls.  Walls grew up in less-than-perfect circumstances, and in her book The Glass Castle, she opened up to the world about her childhood and her family.  Marci Ien interviewed Walls for the talk, and asked some great questions that led Walls to talk about perspective, interpretation of events, and "the truth".  The interview allowed her to acknowledge her siblings' different interpretations of events and differing emotions attached to those events. While I am curious about what she sets as the broader historical context of her upbringing, I am more interested in how she reaches deep down inside herself and drags out a story that may embarrass her or expose her to criticism.  She told us on Friday night that telling her story inspired others to come to her and reveal things to her that they were ashamed about or thought were not worth mentioning.  It appears that confession begets more confession.

We both got copies of her books signed.  In mine she wrote "Life is an adventure!"  Her Friday evening comments have made me think quite a bit.  She has inspired me to keep opening up and sharing stories, and I can carry that out by continuing to blog here about a few aspects of my life.

Saturday morning we were up bright and early to go to BodyCombat, a first for me.  It's a martial arts-based workout.  I learned how to punch and kick.  I spent so much energy focusing on trying to get the choreography and the moves right that I sweat up a storm.  This class definitely had me huffing and puffing.  I also have to say that the instructor was superbly awesome!!  She made me feel very welcome as a first timer, and she got really into the workout herself.  At the end of the class, there was a push up track (I gave Marie an "are you kidding me??" look when I learned this).  We did circular push ups (you can see an example here) , something I'm really excited to add to my routine.

Today my arms and back are burning.  It's from a combination of the circular push ups and all the arm work used throughout the Combat class.  I'll be attending them more often now that I've been introduced to the wonders of martial art fitness.  I found I also got a more emotional release than I've had in any other class.  It was a therapeutic expenditure of pent up angry energy - anger at injustices, people, and situations out of my control.  When we were done, I felt calmer than usual.

I like to have a little conclusion or a theme with which I can sum up the entire week.  I guess this week I'll repeat the adage of trying something new every day.  I'd also like to add again that the mental benefits of exercise can really surprise you sometimes.  What I've heard about martial arts all these years (it's good for discipline and a focused mind) seems to be true, and I wasn't even doing REAL martial arts, but a martial arts-based routine.  Exercise is as much an awakening of the mind as it is a physical shaping of the body.

Not faster than a speeding bullet, but...

I decided to go for a casual run today after work.  I was going to take it easy and just keep the heart pumping for 40 minutes.  But, after a few minutes of running I decided to try something new.  I could tell I was running a bit faster than usual, so I planned to run for 10 minutes at that pace (or faster) and then later map it and calculate the pace.

Breakdown:

 2.11km in 10 minutes =  a 4.44 min km (a 7.37 minute mile.)  

I'm happy with this!

Now, granted it was only 2 km, and I slowed down for the remainder of my run.  However, it serves as a benchmark.

In all, I ran 6.06km over 35 minutes, which is a pace of 5.46 min/km.  Now, to try and knock another 15 seconds off of that and maintain it for 10 kilometres.  I've got my work cut out for me.

Class-wise, things are going well.  I did a double feature yesterday - BodyFlow immediately followed by BodyPump.  1 hour and 45 minutes of just me, the floor, and the weights.  This coming Friday I have another double feature with Marie, followed by a movie I've been waiting to see for months… Man of Steel!

I have a few confessions to make.  I think I might be more excited about the new music than the actual movie.  I'm worried that the movie is going to disappoint over-excited me, but I know that Hans Zimmer is going to kick butt with the new musical score (if the trailer music he composed is any indication).

My other confession is that the music from the trailer is on my iPod, and it actually helped me train for my 10K!   It remains on my running/workout playlists.  I imagine Superman shooting up into the sky, and it makes me run a little bit faster.  I've always admired Superman for the amazing physical feats he can do, but also for his kind and caring personality.  If I ever want to stop or slowdown, I think "What would Superman do?"  He wouldn't give up, because the fate of the world lies in his hands.

Leaving the Comfort Zone

In recent weeks, I've really started believing in the practice of doing something every day that scares you.  I'm not going to be jumping into a pit of vipers or trying to walk across the 401 anytime soon, and I think it's more appropriate if I replace the words "scares you" with "is new".  But I've definitely opened up to practicing this philosophy on a weekly - rather than daily - basis (baby steps, folks.  Baby steps).  From networking to having conversations with strangers to trying a new fitness class, these are all activities that bring something new into my life.  So far, I've had positive results.

It's similar to building muscle.  If you do the same exercise within the same parameters every day, your body will get used to it.  At a certain point you stop building new muscle.  But if you change it up - add some weight, try a different technique, work a different muscle you don't normally use - you can continue to build.

Today, I helped my parents garden.  It involved lots of sweeping while dodging giant, thorny rose bushes (great for the abs and glutes… hah!), and lifting heavy cement benches and marble tables.  This was all after I'd done the intense BodyShred class in the morning, followed by a long walk around the city.  Hello, bed.  I've never been so happy to see you before.

Finally, I want to share this picture.  It reminds me of Marie, my fitness hero:

Source: http://www.funnyflamingo.com/

Because she can do all of them.

Revolution

Rarely do those days come when I have a pure moment of clarity.

This week was a particularly stressful one.  There was no single disastrous event that made it so.  It was a culmination of frustration with my work and my personal life.  On Wednesday, after something that could be aptly titled "A Complete Freakout Over Nothing" (read: I couldn't find my water bottle), I met with Marie and did a high-energy cardio workout.  It gave me an outlet for my angry energy and returned my blood pressure to normal.  It left me smiling, when an hour before I'd been raging about work, respect, and my inability to function as a human being.

My moment of clarity, however, came today.  Through chance, I met a career counsellor at my work place last week.  I set up an appointment to meet with him to discuss what I'm doing with my life.  Our meeting was today, and let me tell you: he knew me before I even opened my mouth.  We had chatted a few times at my work place, but they were brief chats.  When I went in today for our one-on-one meeting, he started telling me things about myself that were completely true.  He knew exactly how I felt, and he reassured me that I was going to soar.  He said so many things, and I don't want to share all of them here, but they affected me so deeply that I can't stop thinking about them.  He told me that my energy and my emotions - boundless amounts of both, as strangers often tell me - are tools that can be harnessed.

That hour was the hour that I started to really reflect on what kind of person I've become.

It was the hour I stopped believing that I would do nothing meaningful with my life.

It was the hour I stopped believing I was worthless.

I know it sounds dark and depressing.  I'm sure many of my friends would say, "No, Elisa, you're not worthless!  How could you say that?"  But in all honesty, as positive and cheerful as I am, there has been a part of me in more recent times that has questioned what I am doing.  I ask myself if I could ever accomplish anything else with my life.  Did I reach my peak already with the wonderful things I accomplished as a teenager and young adult?  Am I resigned in my adulthood to boring, unproductive work?

No.  No no no no no.  I am bigger than that.  And I know it!  I've always known it.  I just forgot my way and needed to be reminded.  I now have goals to meet in the next few weeks.  I was given some tasks, and upon completing them, I will have a follow-up meeting.  I have seized the bull by the horns and will not let go until we've both done some backflips.

This journal is seemingly only concerned with physical exercise, but hidden between the lines is the fitness of the mind.  It is just as important a component to being a healthy individual as the physical.  Today, my self confidence received a long-needed boost.  The last time I felt such a sense of intellectual accomplishment was when I finished my Master's.  What a wonderful day that was when I handed in my final paper to be bound.  As I expressed in my first post here, my 10K also filled me with a deep sense of accomplishment for the physical feats I had overcome.  I think that moment was just the beginning.  There's been something brewing in me since then, and I'm starting to figure out just how big it is, and most importantly, what it is!

So, in conclusion, this week was full of activity and new things.  I participated for the first time in CXWorx at the gym (today), which I'd been looking forward to for weeks.  It was different from what I expected, but it was certainly a good surprise.  I stressed out about work and my life, but then it all turned out to be okay.  I got an intense pep talk, and suddenly my life was shaken up.  I was reinvigorated.  I am on a journey!!

The highs are going to be amazing, and the lows are going to be rougher than ever, but at least I'm going somewhere.

A week in review

I've been back in TO for almost a week now.  Sunday evening seems like a good time to sit and write a review of my activities over the week, so here I am.

This week I focused on getting back into the groove and establishing a regular schedule.  My work hours can fluctuate week to week, but I can organise my activities around it fairly easily.  This week I attended 3 fitness classes and went for a run.  Not bad for "getting back into it".  A (somewhat detailed) break down:

Monday - arrived back in the city in the late afternoon.  Rest day.

Tuesday - Jillian Michaels BodyShred.  A 30 minute class, but high intensity throughout.  Works on strength and cardio.  Definitely a challenging class - the most challenging of all the ones I've tried so far.

Wednesday - BodyPump.  It's an hour-long strength class using the barbell.  Surprisingly, my arms weren't that sore after this one.  This means I'll have to up the weights next time!  I did get a good glute workout from the lunges, though.

Thursday - Rest day.

Friday - 7.7km run in 47 minutes (calculated pace is 6min 6 sec/km).  This is slightly faster than the average pace I ran my 10K at.  Right now my running goal is to do a long distance run at a 5min 30 sec/km pace, so I have to work at shaving half a minute off my time.  That would put me at 55 minutes for a 10k, and I'd be very happy with that.  Once I reach that goal, I'll aim for an even faster pace.  That's something I love about goals.  Once you reach them, you've accomplished something great, but you can always up the challenge and restart your efforts.

Saturday - Rest day.  I discussed signing up for some more runs with friends, and possibly starting swimming to work towards a beginner triathlon.

Sunday - BodyAttack.  This one is an hour-long "sports-inspired cardio workout" class.  I did something funny to my buttocks (again).  It's a bit of a strain that will require some rest for the next day at least.  BodyAttack has gotten easier since doing BodyShred, but the arm strength component still knocks me out.  When I got home, I did 10 minutes of my own abdominal exercises to round it all off, which included flutter kicks.  I hate (but kind of love) them, which means they're something I absolutely have to work on!!

In all, my week was a bit random.  I kind of just searched for a class that was happening at a convenient time and then attended it.  I'd like to sit down sometime and figure out a schedule to spot train certain parts (arms day, legs day, core day).  For the moment, though, I'm paying attention to a full-body, overall fitness.  I certainly feel stronger and fitter since before my vacation, and I want to keep improving on that.  There are also a number of classes at the gym that I haven't tried, so I'd like to get a few more under my belt before I start making my plan.  I'm so excited because of all the things I have not done yet.  I could spend weeks trying out all the classes and machines at all the different gyms I have access to with my membership.  Mixing it up and keeping things new is an important component of motivation.

Finally, here are two tools I like to use:

One is a pace calculator, so you can see how fast you run or calculate a good pace at which to run a race.

Coll Running Pace Calculator

The other is a mapping tool.  It gives you information on distance and elevation.  This has been a useful site for me when creating routes to train for my run.

Map My Run